fuck u here’s some bonus revenge

Kieran’s tears were free flowing at this point. He didn’t want to let Elsie go. He couldn’t. Not after everything they’d been through together. “Elsie, please don’t do this… I can be better. We can be better. We can find what we lost along the way. I know we can. Just… please don’t leave me. I love you more than I can possibly put into words… Just… don’t,” he begged, choking on his words as they came out of his mouth. “You mean everything to me. I can’t… can’t lose you.”

“Not everything can be fixed, Kieran. Not everythin’ can be replaced like broken parts. Sometimes things are beyond repair,” Elsie swallowed hard. She had watched their married slip and fall away from her over the past two and a half years – since they lost their first baby. They talked less, Elsie found herself hiding in the offices of the dance studio more and more. Refuge was no longer Sunday mornings in bed wrapped up in silken blankets but the feeling when the automatic sensor turned the lights out in her office after 10 minutes of absolutely no motion. “Just remember how I loved you more than I loved myself,” she kissed his cheek one last time before walking down the flagstone steps of their prefabricated, suburban home. Like a postcard painted by Norman Rockwell – without the happy family inside. 

“Els… you will never lose me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered and held her tight. Losing their baby had been a blow to both of them, though Elsie was taking it harder because she had to have their baby taken from her body. “We… maybe we can try again… in a little while.” It would be too difficult to try again soon. They had to mourn the loss of their unborn child. And he didn’t know how well either of them would cope. He could just imagine that Elsie wouldn’t want him touching her like that for a while. And he was okay with that. He had to be. Because the thought of her getting pregnant again and losing another child was too much to bear. They’d been through too much already.

Elsie just wept, like it had been the first time all over again. Third times were meant to be the charm, the easiest, the lucky ones – but what about the fourth time? She’d prayed to every god she knew of that they’d make it to that lucky third month this time. This time was meant to be different. They said Elsie was healthy and that their baby was – none of it mattered now, did it. Last time she didn’t bother to tell Kieran she was pregnant knowing something would be wrong – something was always wrong. No heartbeat. Painful cramps. Bleeding. Elsie knew them all, and it never got easier. The aching, growing hole in her chest grew larger and larger with each “I’m sorry, Ms. Fitzpatrick.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Elsie, you don’t have to do this. I know you’re having a hard time coping right now, but don’t you think it would be better to go through this shit together? We’ve always had each other. I don’t see why that has to change.” He was going to make leaving as difficult as possible because a life without Elsie by his side wasn’t a life he wanted to live.

vgkwrites:

“Please, just let me go.”

Kieran’s tears were free flowing at this point. He didn’t want to let Elsie go. He couldn’t. Not after everything they’d been through together. “Elsie, please don’t do this… I can be better. We can be better. We can find what we lost along the way. I know we can. Just… please don’t leave me. I love you more than I can possibly put into words… Just… don’t,” he begged, choking on his words as they came out of his mouth. “You mean everything to me. I can’t… can’t lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“Els… you will never lose me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered and held her tight. Losing their baby had been a blow to both of them, though Elsie was taking it harder because she had to have their baby taken from her body. “We… maybe we can try again… in a little while.” It would be too difficult to try again soon. They had to mourn the loss of their unborn child. And he didn’t know how well either of them would cope. He could just imagine that Elsie wouldn’t want him touching her like that for a while. And he was okay with that. He had to be. Because the thought of her getting pregnant again and losing another child was too much to bear. They’d been through too much already.

“Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Elsie, you don’t have to do this. I know you’re having a hard time coping right now, but don’t you think it would be better to go through this shit together? We’ve always had each other. I don’t see why that has to change.” He was going to make leaving as difficult as possible because a life without Elsie by his side wasn’t a life he wanted to live.

“Because I don’t know who I am anymore, Kieran!” Her ears burned. “Because right now I don’t feel like your wife, or like a woman, or like anything. I feel – I feel like nothing. I feel like an embarrassment. There she is – the woman who can’t do the one thing she’s meant to do. Look at her! Oh, poor girl. Must be hard, huh? Five miscarriages. Five times fuckin’ unlucky, right? Surprise! It’s been five times! I fuckin’ stopped telling you after a while because, what’s the point if it’s not going to work out, right?” Elsie threw her hands in the air before covering her face and screaming into her hands. “Kieran, you’ve always had yourself. That’s about it. You don’t know what I’ve been through. You don’t understand what it’s like to hear five times that your body’s failed not only you, but your child.”